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[Jan. 20th, 2008|03:42 am] |
[Private]
People can be so weak-minded sometimes. I'm certainly not protesting or against this, but it'd be nice to be presented with a challenge from time to time. It seems that with most people, just a few well-chosen words said in just the right tone can make them go after anything, even if they'd been convinced they disliked the object they now desire. Just a few words to completely change their mentality, wants, and needs. To change parts of their life. It's something I never fully realized before, but I can make or break a person's life without much of a problem.
It all depends on the person, of course. Some people are smart and skilled enough to be set and confident and not be swayed whatsoever. A little annoying to me at times, sure, but they're they've earned what they have. Clearly. Those who are too weak to fight someone else's 'suggestions' have it coming to them. It's a dog-eat-dog world out there and only the strong will survive. The weak will always end up being thrown to the wolves and don't stand a chance to last for very long on their own.
I can't help but feel a little guilty at times, which I guess is what sets me apart from Clarabelle. She feels no shame. No guilt. No remorse. I can't help but feel it when it comes to certain things, but in the end? It's a life lesson to the person/s involved and in the end, they'll come out for the better.
In some weird, fucked up way, I'm helping people. Helping people to become stronger. Better. More determined.
And it's not as if I do only bad things, which I don't. Being bad just happens to be so much more fun than being good. Good is done, however, which would surprise most people. It's an interesting way of getting people to help one another, be together, and find their happy endings. Most people wouldn't see that, I suppose, and I really don't mind it being that way.
Maybe Elizabeth has been a much better influence on me than I ever imagined. Despite everything, our childhood, and how I had a tendency to treat her, I love her. I really do and a part of me wants to be a little more like her. Instead, I'm more like Clara and that terrifies me. In a few years, am I going to be just as manipulative and cruel as she is? Am I going to lose any heart that I currently have and go completely cold to the world, just using my abilities to hurt and torment others? I have my fun, sure, and have a damn good time doing it, but I couldn't imagine turning as cold and evil as she has.
Again. Not that that is going to ever be released to the public. It's easier to play pretend and put on whatever face is best suited for the situation even if I want nothing more than to rip it off and be honest all of the time. Lying and being a bitch, however, has become the easiest thing for me to be, though I've always questioned if it's really who I am or who I think I'm supposed to be.
It's strange, being right in the middle of Clara and Liz. Two people who couldn't possibly be more different in personalities and I'm stuck in the middle, gaining a little of this and that from both of them. I have the best and the worst qualities possible going for me and I can't help but wonder how things are going to turn out -- it could go either way, depending on how other parts of my life evolve (ie: that currently non-existent love life of mine, but that's another rant for another day).
[/private]
I'm thinking about making a move to New York. I've always been in love with the idea of living in the city and, while Boston is pretty fantastic, I think NYC would be a much better fit for a girl such as myself.
Apartment hunting, here I come. |
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[Nov. 10th, 2007|08:41 am] |
Ugh. Will all of you idiots kindly shut the fuck up? Nobody cares about you, your 'lands', or where you came from. Really, it's annoying as fuck, and makes you sound like delusional fools. If you actually think Oz and Neverland existed, you deserve to be committed for the rest of your life. Or, at the very least, smacked around with a clue by four. Honestly.
It's always nice to have a bit of home with you, or even just reminders of it. Having Clarabelle here in Boston reminds me of home, of Nebraska, and how I'd love to go back soon. Seeing Mama and everyone else is long overdue, so maybe I'll go back for Thanksgiving. I can't imagine spending the holiday anywhere else. I love being able to have another home to go back to. I really do.
Except I hate dealing with the rest of those ignorant hicks. I can tolerate my family, as they're the only people worth giving a damn about from there, and other than that? They're an annoying bunch who embody every horrible stereotype that people have from there. Ugh.
Why am I subjecting myself to that sort of idiocy again? I'm certain to lose brain cells just from thinking about it.
I should sleep more. I've no idea why I'm up this early when I'm not a morning person at all.
I'm also thinking about moving to New York. It just seems so much more... me. I've been there a few times, loved it, and felt at ease. I need a change anyway, so it could be interesting. |
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[Oct. 7th, 2007|07:28 pm] |
When your roommate enters your apartment and says "Lucy! I'm home!" for the first time, it's almost amusing. Predictable, but amusing. When they do it a second time, it's worth rolling your eyes at, but nothing worth getting upset over.
Doing it over and over, however, is really aggravating. And yet, they continue to think it's hysterical and original, despite my repeatedly threatening bitching at pointing out that I can't stand it. Fucking worthless idiot.
I don't need this extra annoyance. Not when fucking law school is kicking my ass again. |
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[Sep. 23rd, 2007|08:06 am] |
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( peitho. ) |
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